Ho kanes and wahaines! Kolohe here. I am goin’ to let you know some experience you do NOT want to have with dat uke. I’m all for gettin’ everyone movin’ and groovin’ and say dat a Kohala uke is da kine ‘o quality ukulele dat you can *play* it anywhere, but dat doesn’t mean dat you can use dat uke for anyting an’ everything! I, Kolohe, want you to protect dat instrument so you can keep playin’ an’ I can keep prankin’. So here’s what NOT to do wi’ dat Kohala.
DO NOT use as a cutting board- I do know what dey say, dat it is important to eat your fruits and veggies. You might be tempted to turn your uke upside down on a counter an start choppin’,an’ eatin’ but be warned dat if you try to chop dose veggies or fruits on your Kohala, you might crack it and cracks hurt da sweet tone o’ dose Kohalas. Go buy yourself a cheap cutting board instead, bruddah!
DO NOT use as a fly swat- Using a ukulele as a fly swat might kill da fly, but it will fo’ sure kill your uke! I always say… a uke is a one-time only fly swat. And what good does a one-time fly swat do?
DO NOT use as a bird house- Do NOT use you uke as bird house. Dose birds may be appreciative of da high quality wood dat Kohala uses, but dey will make a nest with all sorts of stuff in dere and dis will affect da vibrations o’ da sound, which I know you would never do intentionally!
DO NOT use as a weather vane- Da idea of turning a uke into a weather vane may seem interesting to you. I know I would love to see dose Kohala ukuleles on top of all of da people’s houses. Dis is not da best way to use your ukulele. Dose elements outside can be brutal, an’ Kohalas are sensitive to humidity changes, so try to look for a metal weather vane. A more bettah idea is dat you could just go outside an see fo’ yourself what da weather is like!
DO NOT use as a dust collector- I know by now, you must be tinking to yourself, “Okay, so what CAN I do with my new Kohala?” Well, don’t just let it sit dere in da corner an’ collect dust. Dere are plenny o’ ways to get da best experiences from your uke. Check my all time favorite experiences out here.